New Zealand - Skydiving

13 January, 2009

We were picked up at 9 AM to go skydiving by a "Kane" who had spiky brown hair with sandy blond highlights which was carefully swept over with plenty of hair gel like a contemporary interpretation of Mike Score from A Flock of Seagulls. He drove the van (which was empty of clients except us) fast and kept using his cell phone to call his base and make worrisome comments like "Do you know of a petrol station by here? I'm running out of petrol, yeah?" He was dressed like a skater but had an inordinate fondness for top 40 pop songs - we heard it all - Britney Spears, Pink, and Katy Perry to indiscernible, angry techno. I fell asleep only because I was so exhausted by jet lag.

Next thing I know, we were off the main motorway and on a windy, two-way road that undulated between rolling hills and valleys. It felt like he was driving really fast at this point, and the music was turned up louder since the engine was working harder, and suddenly, we arrived at a sign - NZ Skydive.

The place seemed like a hangout for skaters or truants. The office was a reinterpreted 2 bedroom home with shabby furnishings - worn, dirty carpeted hallway, a bare bathroom with no soap and a suspicious dark brown hand towel. Although there were anywhere from 10 to 15 guys milling about, nobody really spoke to us save the fat receptionist with pasty thick eyeliner and badly highlighted hair. She was relatively friendly until you started requesting things from her like a cup of water, then she became rather unhelpful and dismissive.

The guys all looked like aging skaters, others looked like they were barely out of high school, and a few looked like they were trying really hard to fit in. Four guys sat on an old velor couch watching videos of skydiving. Three or four more guys were gathered around a large Mac computer monitor watching more skydiving footage.

Finally, a guy named Jari took us aside with a curt "Let's get you in your jumpsuits" (in a thick Finnish accent) and didn't bother to introduce himself until Stu was in his jumpsuit and ready for the harness. I guess he thought it was best to introduce himself right before he got nice and intimate with us on the plane. Then we sat around in a stifling, air condition-less room until an older man came in with a colorful canopy (parachute) bag. The attention of the lounging guys turned, and several guys went over to talk to the man. This was Tony - the chief safety officer with over 12,000 jumps under his belt. He was my man. I was going tandem with this guy, the top dog. He was probably only in his late forties but his face was weathered like an old sailor's.

We were driven to the plane on the back of a truck like a hayride to our impending deaths. The driver/pilot looked like a 'Nam vet with a leathery, wrinkled face, aviator glasses (probably hiding his glass eye), and long greasy salt and pepper hair tucked under a trucker hat. He wore a long sleeved camouflage top and black denim cut-off shorts showcasing his hairy tanned legs.

Getting ready for the thrill of my life

We boarded (more like climbed and crawled) into the tiniest airplane I've ever seen. It was possibly the first plane ever manufactured, something straight out of Casablanca. We sat completely squished together so I didn't know whose limbs I was pressed against. Tony sat in the back, I sat facing him with our legs intertwined. Jari sat next to me with Stu between his legs, like lovers on a beach. My right leg lost feeling, not that it mattered before my fall to what seemed like sure death.

I expected the flight to be nauseating but it was quite pleasant to fly thousands of feet above the rolling hills and farms outside of Auckland - the same view we had flying into Auckland. Then I remembered that I wasn't just taking a ride, and my only way back was to jump out of that plane. We flew up to 12,000 feet which didn't really sound like too much in the brochure but definitely felt like a lot when saw farmhouses turning into tiny dots.

Stu jumped out first with Jari. There were several parts that were equally terrifying but each seemed to trump its predecessor. The first part was when Jari unlatched the flimsy plastic door which immediately snapped open and let the cold air blast in. It was misty and gray. We were in the middle of a cloud. The second most terrifying moment was when Stu hung off the side of the plane, his legs swinging beneath the side of the plane, and then suddenly disappeared into the gray mist. The third came when Tony started scooting us (I was attached to him by this point) towards the open door, effectively pushing me towards the edge. For a split second, I saw swirling mist and the absolute nothing beneath my feet. As instructed, I immediately tilted my head back (I didn't want to see what was or wasn't beneath me anyway) and held my arms in a cross against my chest like the sign language for "I love you". I didn't have time to be scared. I just remember my mind going blank and Tony saying, "Ready, darling"? I think I nodded and all I felt was his heaving stomach and barrel chest pressing against my back. He pushed off, and we spun through the frigid air in the most terrifying way. I forgot to breathe, but my mouth was open, and at one point in mid-tumble to earth, I felt my ears popping really, really painfully. The pressure made these sharp, painful snaps in my ears. I noticed that my mouth had become completely dry, and I finally shut it. At some point, Tony tapped my shoulder and I was free to release my arms and legs into a frog position. Apparently, we experienced about 45 seconds of free fall which was both an eternity and a flash. Tony pulled a cord, and I was violently jerked upright, the harness dug into my legs. While we were free falling, Tony had tapped my shoulder and pointed out the scenery which boggled my mind. How can you pay attention to some damn hills and cows when you're hurtling to the earth at god knows what speed? But, once we were floating with the parachute, I was able to close my mouth and look around. It was peaceful and extremely breathtaking. The only distractions I had were my popping ears, headache, and straps digging into my legs. But what a view!

It's a shame that we didn't opt for any pictures or video, but I'll be skydiving again in the near future, I'm sure. It's a highly recommended activity!

http://www.nzskydive.co.nz/