October 31, 2005 12:23 AM
Halloween, Candy, & Condoms
Not a big fan of Halloween, but I was mildly turned on by the Boy's rendition of Clark Kent in a state of undress, or more specifically, in a state of ripping off his button-down to reveal a large yellow "S" rippling over his pectoral muscles and... uh, I got a little carried away there.
The only other thing I love about Halloween is those bags of mini Snickers bars. I feel guilt-free eating those bite-sized morsels although in reality I end up eating the equivalent of 6 regular sized bars. But I can get those bags year round which brings me to my original opinion of Halloween: general disdain. Halloween is just a poor excuse for shenanigans and hooliganism. Case in point: on the local news tonight was a story about a 15 year old boy shooting a 31 year old man in the Bronx (and 3 times in the arm and the ass) during a chase that ensued when the boy wouldn’t stop throwing eggs at the man’s purple Dodge minivan. The boy said the egging was a Halloween prank.
That’s the thing about New York: I feel like something completely senseless is always happening around me, at any given moment. I feel like I’m surrounded by characters of a play who represent detailed and specific stereotypes and are capable of, well, craziness. I think I was about to witness one of those instances this evening. As I walked into a corner store to buy some Vitamin Water, three guys walked in right behind me. They all looked conspicuously fashion-challenged in the trendy East Village, and they looked as though they had just busted out of jail. They strutted in like a modern trio of wise men looking for gifts, certainly not gifts for Jesus. The first guy, gruff and unshaven wearing a brown leather jacket and thick black boots, bought a coffee and a blue box of Trojans. I didn’t observe the kind. The second guy picked up a People magazine and folded it under his arm with the cover facing in. The third guy, in a New York Giants Starter jacket, grabbed a box of powdered Entenmann’s doughnuts. I didn’t know what the hell they were going to do with those three items because they all left together, but it looked like they were going to share a good time. Happy Halloween, boys.
By the way, there seems to be quite a bit of product placement going on in my blog. I would like to note that I do not support any of the aforementioned products in any way. But vitamin water is a delicious refreshing drink that can quench any thirst.
October 31, 2005 11:52 PM
Hitler on Modern Art
In a public speech inaugurating the "Great Exhibition of German Art, 1937" in Munich, Adolf Hitler finally actualizes his revenge on his former third grade art class peers for their relentless ridicule of his feeble attempts at drawing the human form.
I think one can get a fuller picture in the biographical full-length animated film by Tim Burton, currently in production.
In the speech, Hitler, clearly an expert on modern art, decided to air his opinion on the entire movement. Please, do not be intimidated by a nearly palpable sense of deep intellect, for Hitler is the epitome of all that is art and culture. Do not be afraid:
“I have observed among the pictures submitted here, quite a few paintings which make one actually come to the conclusion that the eye shows things differently to certain human beings than the way they really are, that is, that there really are men who see the present population of our nation only as rotten cretins; who, on principle, see meadows blue, skies green, clouds sulphur yellow, and so on, or, as they say, experience them as such… in the name of the German people, I want to forbid these pitiful misfortunates who quite obviously suffer from an eye disease, to try vehemently to foist these products of their misinterpretation upon the age we live in, or even to wish to present them as ‘Art’.”
The sage continued:
“No, here there are only two possibilities: Either these so-called ‘artists’ really see things this way and therefore believe in what they depict; then we would have to examine their eyesight-deformation to see if it is the product of a mechanical failure or of inheritance. In the first case, these unfortunates can only be pitied; in the second case, they would be the object of great interest to the Ministry of Interior of the Reich which would then have to take up the question of whether further inheritance of such gruesome malfunctioning of the eyes cannot at least be checked.”
Modern art by A. Hitler. Oh no, he never used air-time to share his lifelong resentment with the entire German nation.
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